The Age of Innocence

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My daughter spent part of yesterday’s “snow day” joyfully prancing around the house in her frilly pink tutu and bejeweled tiara, which she affectionately refers to as her crown.

“Crowns make people beautiful,” she said to me in a very matter-of-fact manner.

“Yes, that’s right,” I agreed, trying to keep a straight face as I visualized an old and wrinkled queen wearing a crown.

“I guess the crown just doesn’t work for everyone,” I laughed quietly to myself.

As I watched her perfecting the art of twirling in circles while balancing a crown on her head, I wondered when that day will come when she feels too old to play dress up and dance like a princess. Sometimes she tells me she wants to be older. If only she knew that when you are finally old enough to be “older”, you wish you could be younger.

So in that fleeting moment, as she was blissfully waltzing around the living room without a care in the world, with a tinge of sadness, I tried not to think about tomorrow, as tomorrow inevitably always comes whether or not you’re ready for it.

Reading Between the Lines

Anthony pouring his own cereal

Does the phrase, "I did it myself," make you a little nervous? Well, it should! Remember the baby butt cream incident?

In my experience, there are a few catchphrases our children use to alert us to the fact that either they are about to or already have done something they shouldn't have. In either case, swift and immediate action should be taken upon hearing any one of these phrases. I know this because on two recent occasions where I ignored the warning signs, I ended up with a flooded bathroom and a toddler covered in red lipstick (not in the same day, of course, as that would have been enough to put me over the edge, which for some odd reason feels like it's getting closer and closer...hmm...weird). I share this with you so that you may be forewarned and spared the calamity.

Here are the top 3 phrases your children use to alert you about trouble up ahead, and what they mean for you:

When your child says...

1. "I did it myself!"

What your child really means is...

"I know I shouldn't have tried this on my own, but...I did it anyway."

This phrase is a mixed bag, as on the one hand, you can't help but feel a measure of pride over your child's semi-accomplishment, but on the other hand, it usually involves cleaning up some kind of mess. The picture at the top of this entry was one of those independent moments where my son tried to pour his own cereal (sigh).

When your child says...

2. "I have to go pee-pee!!!"

What your child really means is...

"I snuck in two extra juice boxes while you weren't looking and actually needed to go well over an hour ago but was too busy playing, and now I am about to pee on myself."

Always take this one seriously, as failure to do so will result in some floor-washing and laundry time. One time my son told me he had to go while I was driving, and although I realize now I should have just pulled over immediately, I told him not to go in the car and that I was going to find the nearest bathroom. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and noticed he did not look all that distressed for someone who was just urgently pleading to go, so I asked him if had gone in the car...he calmly and confidently reassured me that he didn't go in the car: "NOPE! I just went in my pants" (exasperated sigh).

Finally, when your child screams...

3. "MOMMM!!!!"

What your child really means is...

"Something really bad just happened."

Run! Run like the wind and be prepared for anything! Although this is the most ambiguous of all phrases as it could mean almost anything, it's also the most ominous of them all. In my experience, it could mean anything from someone is stuck somewhere they shouldn't be or something really special and sentimentally valuable has been broken. Honestly, I have never heard my name screamed like this when something good happens. No, it's bad, really bad, like the time the bathroom was flooded and Anthony was covered head-to-toe in red lipstick (really long and drawn out sigh).

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

My husband and I have adopted our own unofficial don't ask, don't tell policy, because sometimes, you really just don't want to know. Now, don't worry, it's nowhere near as controversial as the military's policy; it has to do with our children. Let's backtrack to last Sunday and you'll see what I mean...

I like to sleep in on the weekends, and by sleeping in, I mean staying in bed until at least 8:00 a.m. I know, I know...for those of you who don't have children, you are probably thinking to yourself, "8:00 a.m.??? That's the time I normally wake up! What do you mean you slept in?" Meanwhile, those of you who have young babies are hating me for being able to stay in bed sooooo late. It's a matter of perspective.

Well, on this particular Sunday, I was awake, but stayed in bed, just because I could. My daughter was generously preparing breakfast for me, and so I was forced to stay in bed until she was ready. It was horrible—OK, no, it was really great. I could have stayed in there forever, but eventually, the tantalizing aroma of freshly brewed coffee and piercing shrieks emanating from the kitchen drew me out of my room.

What a beautiful sight! Fresh coffee was waiting for me on a table spread with yummy breakfast delights personally prepared by my daughter-why, there were even candles on the table! I dove right into the Greek yogurt sprinkled with dark chocolate and walnuts and munched away blissfully. Everything was going great until I realized that the plate it was served in came from the decorative display cupboard in the dining room...you know, the one you only dust when company comes over...the one with the cobwebs? Gasp!

My enthusiasm for devouring my breakfast faded instantly. It was replaced with nervousness and apprehension.

My mind wandered...
Did she remember to...
Of course she would never serve food on a plate without...
OK, just don't think about eating dust and cobwebs—Oh no! Now that's all I can think about!

Without raising suspicion, I tried to casually glance over at my husband to see if he had noticed anything unusual about his breakfast, but the alarm in my eyes immediately tipped him off.

"Do you think she..." he began to inquire nervously.

"Don't ask," I muttered under my breath.

"But what if..." he continued.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked, cutting him off.

We paused and stared at each other, then down at our plates, and finally, back at my daughter, who was beaming with pride at the beautiful spread she had worked so hard to prepare for us, eagerly awaiting for us to take our next bites.

"Mmm! This is so yummy!" I declared.

My husband quickly followed suit:

"Yes, did I ever tell you that you are my favorite daughter?" he asked, knowing full well this always gets a smile out of her because she is our only daughter.

And with that, we dropped the conversation about whether or not she washed the dishes before serving us, and continued eating our questionable breakfast. Some things are just better left unsaid.

Separation Anxiety

I was suffering from separation anxiety today. I felt so distracted at work, and I just couldn't wait to get home. I fidgeted, bit my lips, and kept checking the time. I just didn't know what to do with myself.

I forgot my iPhone.

I know...you were probably thinking I was having difficulty separating from my children. While I have had my share of those days, that wasn't it today. When I don't have a coffee in one hand and a baby in the other, the vacancy is usually occupied by my iPhone. I felt so lost without it. I guess I'm a bit of a tech junkie.

My iPhone is my constant companion on my on-the-go life. It is my instant portal to family and friends. I realize I would do very poorly in solitary confinement.

Thankfully, we are re-united, and it feels so good! There were no hard feelings between us, not even the awkward, "Why did you leave me?" moment. Whew! Glad that's over.

Idiot Friends

It's 'blame everyone else Tuesday'. How do I know? My best friend told me so.

Not making any sense? It's not supposed to. It was a text message I got from my friend this morning. You see, one of my best friends and I keep in touch throughout the week by sending each other ridiculous texts purely for the sake of being ridiculous. The more absurd, the better. I don't remember exactly how we got started, probably on a late night when our babies truly were just itsy bitsy newborns and we would text one another to see if the other was awake. It evolved from "R u awake" to texts so stupidly funny I have actually spit out my coffee laughing.

Why do we do it? Besides the obvious-why not?-there is a more profound reason for the foolish shenanegans. It's our special way of holding onto our friendship and our sanity despite our super busy, sometimes chaotic, often stressful working mother lives. I look forward to the nonsense banter that's refreshingly light and carefree compared to my not-so-carefree life.

So if you are reading this, my precious idiot friend who boldly dares me to laugh a little every day and not take life too seriously, I finally finished my list! It's a good thing the maid and the nanny and chef and the driver took care of everything because it took all day. Tomorrow is 'name that lipstick color Wednesday', so brush up at the MAC counter!

Have you texted a friend today?

Say What?

Occasionally, I feel like I need a translator when my children talk to me. It's as if I am a foreigner in their fantasy land of made up words. Today, for example, as my daughter was sharing a story about one of her classmates, who happened to miss school, she explained that "she was 'apusent'".

"Absent?" I asked.

"Yeah, 'apusent'," she replied, implying that that was exactly what she had just said.

Yeah...right, of course. Sometimes the mispronounced words can be downright confusing. At other times, they are just plain amusing, especially in instances when words are misapplied.

Every night, for example, when Aloni says her prayers, she addresses God as her "heavenly Fodder". I can't help but smile and wonder if God finds it equally amusing that she refers to Him as a divine bale of hay on a regular basis.

I think my absolute favorite faux pas is when she affectionately refers to Anthony as her baby "bwudder". He has been her baby bwudder since before he was born, and I hope he will be her baby bwudder for the rest of her life.

Repeat After Me...I am Not a Super Woman...



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My mommy friends will occasionally ask me, "Have you felt guilty about (insert your biggest guilt here)?", and the answer is always a resounding YES!

ALL THE TIME!

Let's face it: MotherWomanhood is fraught with a measure of guilt. It seems like we can always find something to feel guilty about...not spending enough time with our children...not giving them enough space. The list of possibilities is endless. You are probably thinking of something you feel guilty about right now.

Speaking of guilt, every night before I go to bed, I stop by my children's rooms after they have fallen asleep and I check on them. I make sure the temperature in their room is just right, that they are not falling out of their beds, as I usually find them asleep as if they just collapsed onto their beds in mid-flight, and I hug and kiss them. Then, I take a step back, and I just stare at them. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a sleeping child. I study their ever-changing faces. I close my eyes and try to freeze-frame a picture of them in my mind. Then, I always find myself coming back to the same question...

If I could live this day all over again,

what would I have done differently?

I'll pause and reflect on my day, and I'll usually think of at least one thing I said or did or didn't do that I wish I had done differently. Someone once told me that being a parent is not the hardest thing in the world, no, it's being a parent while trying to be everything else that's truly hard. Unfortunately, it's this delicate balancing act where I struggle the most. Often, it's when I'm exhausted and frustrated from "everything else" that I lose my patience with my children, and it usually has nothing to do with anything in particular that they did or didn't do; it was just that "one last straw" on top of everything else. That's when I remind myself that I am not a super woman. I am a MotherWoman.

I try not to second-guess myself at the time, and I realize that given more time to think on a matter, of course I might have come to another solution or alternative as to how I could have handled the situation. Any mother will tell you that hindsight is 20/20. At some point, I have to learn to live with myself, and accepting my own shortcomings is a start.

So, instead of recalling something I wish I could change, I'll try to recall a magical moment that happened that day that I wouldn't change a thing about, and then I will replay it again and again in my mind, hoping to remember it forever.

At the end of the day, I never want these moments to be overshadowed by guilt.

So when you are feeling overwhelmed or guilty for not being everything to everyone exactly as you'd like to be...repeat after me: I am not a super woman, I am a MotherWoman.