Wonder Moments

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There are times when being a motherwoman can be so stressful you actually wonder what life would have been like if you hadn't had kids. We have all been there. The guilt you feel afterward for thinking that way is heart wrenching.

Then, there are those moments that remind you about how absolutely wonderful being a motherwoman can be and you can't imagine life without your children. The surprising thing is that most of those moments are never the landmark moments you'd expect to draw such an emotional reaction from, like baby's first steps or the first day of kindergarten. No, more often than not, they are the very small unexpected moments in between moments that can melt your heart.

Take the other day, for example. I was washing the dishes, wondering how it is possible to go through every fork, dish, and cup we own on a daily basis and debating whether or not we should go Moroccan and just start eating with our hands directly from the serving dish when my son came up to me and pleaded, "Up, up, Mommy. Uppa." Whenever he talks that way, I know he just wants some loving and reassurance from me.

I actually groaned, thinking to myself, "If I stop what I'm doing now, I may never finish this pile of dishes and it will haunt me for the rest of the day."

I was tempted to tell him, "Not now."

But then, as I looked down at his little face and outstretched arms, just begging me to hold him, I realized that the dishes could wait. After all, what could possibly be more important than loving him? And at moments like these when I face the dilemma of finishing a neccessary task and spending time with my children, I wonder...what if this is the last time he wants me to cuddle him like that?

I imagined us fifteen years into the future...my petite little frame crushed under the weight of this giant man-child teenager with long, awkward arms and legs trying to nestle into my lap for some cuddling...yeah, it's not likely he'll want to be held this way forever.

I crouched down so that he could climb on and I just wrapped my arms tightly around him and hugged him. He reciprocated joyfully by wrapping his chubby little hands tightly around my neck and smooshing his delightfully squishy face into mine. For that moment, time really did stand still. It was absolutely wonderful to get lost in that embrace with him. It didn't last, though.

"PUT ME DOWN!” he demanded, as if I had just held him against his will.

I laughed. How quickly he moves on! After receiving reassurance from me that I loved him without reservations, he was ready to face the world and begin a new adventure.

You see, it's those little moments that can really make the experience of being a motherwoman truly satisfying and worthwhile. In celebration of hugging moments, here's a little poem from Shel Silverstein, one of the best children's poetry writer ever...

Excerpt from "Where the Sidewalk Ends," by Shel Silverstein
Click here to visit his site!

Culture Shock

During a recent visit with a new-mom friend of mine, my friend admitted that no one had really told her the whole story about how challenging parenting can be sometimes, which left her completely unprepared for those first few weeks after the baby is born.

You spend nine months dreaming about how wonderful it will be to hold your beautiful baby in your arms for the very first time, and it truly is an awe-inspiring and magical moment. But, then, after that moment comes and goes, as all wonderful moments tend to do, you are left with the overwhelming awareness of what it takes to take care of that completely helpless and dependent little person.

Well, I pride myself in honesty, so as a public service, from one motherwoman to another, I am going to shed some light on some the very real challenges that come with becoming a new mom, and some coping methods I have learned along the way.

First, we'll start with the subject of sleep...

Forget sleeping for a very, very, very long time.

One of the hardest adjustments any new mom will have to make is getting by on a seemingly impossible amount of sleep—virtually none at times. To this day, I still feel like I have yet to recover. Remember the "Sleepless in Seattle" post?

As you well know, the effects of sleep deprivation can be devastating! Don't underestimate it. Sleep deprivation turns you into an un-intelligible zombie—you can't remember your own name or even form coherent sentences. I don't know how many times I would aimlessly wander around the house in search of something I was looking for, only to realize I actually did not remember what exactly I was supposed to be looking for. On another very sleep-deprived occasion, I misplaced my son. Oh, don’t worry, my husband did eventually find him and no harm was done…and it only happened once...but more on that another time.

My advice for coping with the lack of sleep...

Forget chores, errands, cooking, even showering. When your baby sleeps, YOU sleep! And in case your baby isn't sleeping as much as you'd like, recruit a loved one to watch your baby for a while, and steal some sleep. I have a single girlfriend who graciously allows me to just drop by and crash on her futon for nap, no explanation necessary. If you can't find a single friend who has no children and would be willing to give you a key to the apartment so that you can steal some sleep, now is the time get one, but you’ll have to get your own, mine’s taken.

Bottom line on sleep…

Sleep deprivation can render you completely useless, so put it high on your priority list and do whatever you can to get some!

Now, I know there are other areas of life that are forever altered by the birth of a child. I'll tell you more about them in future posts. You'll just have to keep reading to find out!

By the way, how have you coped with sleep deprivation after the birth of your baby? Do you have any funny stories about how sleep deprivation turned you into a zombie? Hopefully, you did not misplace your baby...yes, I know...that's pretty bad. What can I say? I was half asleep.

Shh...It's a Surprise!

Hello MotherWomen!

I am sorry it has been a while since I have posted a new entry. I have been so busy with back-to-school, for both my daughter and myself. You, no doubt, have been keeping very busy yourselves!

I am taking two evening classes in finance and marketing, and the hour drive to and from certainly gives me time to think about things.

My marketing class class was not what I imagined it to be. I hate to say it, but I was extremely bored. I love learning, and as an instructor myself, and always ready to support the class and join in the discussions, but there was nothing to join into. I guess I pictured my marketing professor to be this pumped-up, outgoing individual who was ready to jump off sofas for the sake of motivating the class. Instead, I got the enthusiasm of that guy from the Clear-Eyes commercial. Maybe it was just the late hour, or just the first day blues, but it made counting kegels sound exciting...

98...99...100!

If you are not sure what kegels are, you need to have a serious talk with your OBGYN! The last thing you want is your uterus to fall out. Now that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?

Anyway, after suffering through a very dry marketing class, I ventured homeward in my quiet car for a lonely hour drive. I wondered what my family was doing. I was curious if my husband had any surprises for me when I arrived. Oh, I'm not talking surprise me with a warm bubble bath and a glass of wine. I've been married over ten years now, and after the fifth year, I started to catch on that those weren't the kind of surprises I could expect from him. I was thinking more along the lines of whether or not the kids had been put to bed, or if the dishes had been done. My husband is very "laid back", and that means bed time is not necessarily an exact time as it is a very flexible, loosely-interpreted window of time some time between 8:00 p.m. and the next day.

My husband has adopted this punch line from family comedy as his personal slogan: "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to wash the dishes...so I didn't." It's funny in theory, but not so much in practice.

Whew! Thankfully, the kids were asleep when I arrived home, well past even my bedtime. Although I had missed them, I was so relieved that I didn't have to get involved in the long, drawn out process of tucking them into bed.

"I want to read one more story."

"I'm thirsty."

"You forgot to say a prayer."

"Did I ever tell you about the dream I had when..."

"WHERE'S MY (fill in the name of your child's favorite stuffed animal here)!!!!!"

Sometimes, I wish children came with an "off" button. Now that would be the ultimate "easy" button.

I crashed on the couch besides my husband and joined him in watching some TV. I didn't bother asking about the dishes, and thanked him for tucking the kids in on time. He smiled, and I was glad I didn't ask about the dishes.

Well, that's the major events of the moment in a nutshell. I hope you have been able to enjoy some quiet evenings yourself.

You Might Be a MotherWoman If...

You learned from several near-death experiences that toys on the floor can be quite hazardous to your health...

Picture by Explodingdog.com

When a fork is not enough

For the sake of my daughter's self-worth, I need to run out and get chopsticks today. I must get them right away. Let me explain. It all started when she was watching Ni Hao Kai-Lan, a cartoon that exposes children to Chinese culture, and was left with an inferiority complex after watching the show.

She asked me if Chinese people can eat with forks. Sure, it seemed like an innocent question, but I have learned that a question is never just a question, at least not with her. Remember when she asked me what I was going to leave her when I die? I was not sure where she was going with this particular question, but I had a feeling I was walking into a sticky situation judging by the serious look on her face.

"I'm sure most of them can, honey", I replied.

Wrong answer! I could tell by the concern in her furrowed little brows that that was not the answer she was hoping to hear, although I had yet to understand how that could possibly be a problem.

"Ugh! Great! Chinese people can eat with both a fork and chopsticks, but I only know how to eat with a fork", she exclaims in disbelief.

"Yes, that's tragic", I thought to myself in a moment of pure cynicism.

She was still staring at me in her typical wide-eyed anticipation, waiting for some glimmer of hope in the midst of despair.

"Would you like some chopsticks?"

"Really? Oh, yes, please! Then I'll be able to eat with both a fork and chopsticks!"

"Right...yes...because what would life be like if you only ate with a fork?", I continued sarcastically monologuing to myself. She grinned from ear to ear. My cynicism melted into a smile. I actually can't wait to get her those chopsticks, as I know this about so much more than just chopsticks. Hey, she could have asked for a pony.