Reading Between the Lines

Anthony pouring his own cereal

Does the phrase, "I did it myself," make you a little nervous? Well, it should! Remember the baby butt cream incident?

In my experience, there are a few catchphrases our children use to alert us to the fact that either they are about to or already have done something they shouldn't have. In either case, swift and immediate action should be taken upon hearing any one of these phrases. I know this because on two recent occasions where I ignored the warning signs, I ended up with a flooded bathroom and a toddler covered in red lipstick (not in the same day, of course, as that would have been enough to put me over the edge, which for some odd reason feels like it's getting closer and closer...hmm...weird). I share this with you so that you may be forewarned and spared the calamity.

Here are the top 3 phrases your children use to alert you about trouble up ahead, and what they mean for you:

When your child says...

1. "I did it myself!"

What your child really means is...

"I know I shouldn't have tried this on my own, but...I did it anyway."

This phrase is a mixed bag, as on the one hand, you can't help but feel a measure of pride over your child's semi-accomplishment, but on the other hand, it usually involves cleaning up some kind of mess. The picture at the top of this entry was one of those independent moments where my son tried to pour his own cereal (sigh).

When your child says...

2. "I have to go pee-pee!!!"

What your child really means is...

"I snuck in two extra juice boxes while you weren't looking and actually needed to go well over an hour ago but was too busy playing, and now I am about to pee on myself."

Always take this one seriously, as failure to do so will result in some floor-washing and laundry time. One time my son told me he had to go while I was driving, and although I realize now I should have just pulled over immediately, I told him not to go in the car and that I was going to find the nearest bathroom. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and noticed he did not look all that distressed for someone who was just urgently pleading to go, so I asked him if had gone in the car...he calmly and confidently reassured me that he didn't go in the car: "NOPE! I just went in my pants" (exasperated sigh).

Finally, when your child screams...

3. "MOMMM!!!!"

What your child really means is...

"Something really bad just happened."

Run! Run like the wind and be prepared for anything! Although this is the most ambiguous of all phrases as it could mean almost anything, it's also the most ominous of them all. In my experience, it could mean anything from someone is stuck somewhere they shouldn't be or something really special and sentimentally valuable has been broken. Honestly, I have never heard my name screamed like this when something good happens. No, it's bad, really bad, like the time the bathroom was flooded and Anthony was covered head-to-toe in red lipstick (really long and drawn out sigh).