The Last Sanctuary

Every motherwoman needs her sanctuary; a place where she can escape the chaos and be alone with her thoughts. For me, that place is the shower. I find that by burying my head under the roaring shower head really drowns out all the background noise. The other day, my sanctuary was violated. While I was showering, two small children violently whipped the shower curtain open from both ends of the shower, instantly releasing all of the soothing warm air.

"Oh, no," I groaned to myself. "They found me."

"What are you doing, Mommy?"

"What are you doing!" I retorted, desperate to continue my shower. "You know you are not supposed to interrupt Mommy during her shower."

"Can we come in?"

"NO!" I shouted like a small child who's just been asked to relinquish their favorite toy. "This is Mommy's quiet time and.."

There was no point in finishing the sentence. Before I could even finish objecting, two naked little bodies jumped into the shower. How come it takes them forever to get dressed but only a blink of the eye for them to get undressed? My private retreat had now become a family waterpalooza adventure. My son played with the water settings while my daughter hogged the shower head. I imagined myself busting through the shower curtain like a football player and running out of the bathroom screaming in a melodramatic display of defiance, but the fact that I may draw unwanted attention from the neighbors quickly stopped me.

As I contemplated my exit strategy, my daughter entertained herself by playing hacky sack with "the girls". Words failed me. I gave her THE LOOK, which could only be interpreted as "on what planet is that acceptable?" She grinned shamelessly from ear to ear.

"Don't worry," she reassured me.

"When I get my own, I'll stop."

What?! I don't know which prospect I found more disturbing- the fact that I may be subjected to this cruel and unusual torture for years to come, or that some day she'll have her own?

Sigh. I stepped out of the shower, cold, wet, and defeated. "Great, there is no towel!" As I stumbled out of the bathroom in search of a dry towel,  I contemplated how much it would cost to get a bodyguard to stand outside my bathroom while I shower. If there are any bouncers who would like a small gig on the side, please contact me.